Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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