the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
