pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
