Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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