We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
