How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
