its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
