I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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