Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
