i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
