my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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