My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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