Got a toothbrush?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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