Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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