He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
