I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
