Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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