I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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