You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think a kid would responsible me up
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
