shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
