david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
