come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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