I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
