Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
