Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
