i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
