peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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