my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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