if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My liver just had a heart attack.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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