I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
