The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
