am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
