So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
