whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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