Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
