She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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