Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
