if i can run in heels then i can drive
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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