I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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