Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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