you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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