I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
