i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
