Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
