PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
