i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
