its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
