getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
