I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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