I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
