last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
